Sunday night, 11pm. I write this after a full weekend immersed in learning about many of the precepts of yoga, the traditions and the concepts that go beyond any of the actual poses. The stuff that yoga is really about, before the physical practice begins, and after savasana has ended. The stuff we take off the mat with us.
This weekend, I let one of my babies go off on their own. (Editorial: My boys, you need not worry. This is not about you)
One of the many guiding principles of Yoga is “non-attachment”. This can be taken to mean many things, but some of the more common are (a) non-greed, taking only what we need in any situation, and letting go of the rest (b) non-attachment to any outcome – meaning that we should enjoy what we are doing, in the moment, along the way, and not expect a specific outcome (c) non-possessiveness – meaning that nothing in this world, actually belongs to us.
Non-attachment has always been a “thing” for me. A tough one. I naturally get attached, not so much to things, but to people. It’s hard for me to let go. I work at it though. Having children has been an education in non-attachment. We call them “our” kids from the moment they’re born. How can we not be attached to them? In the case of a mother, they are literally a part of you, until they are born. However as kids grow, they remind us (often) that they are their own beings. That strong emotion called love is built through a lifetime of shared experiences. But kids don’t belong to us. They belong to themselves.
Build A Better You is my baby too. I gave birth to it about 9 years ago, with a scope of helping people feel better. It started off with improving clients’ physical well-being, but as time went on, my dreams for my clients grew by leaps and bounds. I wanted them to feel well physically, yes, but I also wanted them to feel well nourished (in every sense of the word), well balanced, less stressed, and truth be told, I wanted each and every one of them to be able to say “I love you” when they look at themselves in the mirror!
As I said above; this weekend, I let one of my babies go off on their own. I was registered to attend a weekend workshop and yet had two classes scheduled at “Build A Better You”. My usual teaching partner was also away on business. So, for the first time ever, I had a guest teacher come in and teach both classes, while I went off to learn. Full disclosure: before I left Saturday morning, I had huge butterflies in my stomach, felt slightly nauseous, and my head was pounding to the point where I thought I might have a flu. However I knew. I had been here before. I recognized the signs. I was scared. This day, I had to let go. I would not be in control. I wanted everything to go perfectly. I wanted everyone to be completely satisfied. Oh. My. G-d. What had I done?
Of course, the classes went ahead and everything went super well because I’d brought in a professional to back me up.
Sigh… why is it so hard to let your babies go? And … how is it that it can make us so happy, to know that they can take flight without us, and yet somewhat sad at the same time, realizing that perhaps, we’re not as important as we once were.
Postscript – when I take the time and gain perspective, I realize that in the end, I am still important, but in a different capacity. When my “baby” is mature and strong enough to stand on its own, I realize that I’ve done something right. And in an AHA moment of “non-attachment”, I realize that actually, none of the classes I give, nothing I speak about, nothing that I offer to clients, has anything to do with me. It’s about the yoga. The yoga can stand on its own. Sheer pride takes over. ♥