I feel compelled to write about depression. The time of year, and the recent suicide of a “celebrity” that was supposedly full of love and light and life. You just never know what’s behind the veils that each of us wears.
About 25 years ago, I had a serious bout with anxiety, depression and panic attacks.
Today I will write specifically about the depression, for the following reason:
As part of my work, I do Therapeutic Yoga for Anxiety & Depression. There’s an intake form that all clients must fill out before their first session to help me prepare. I’ve noticed that 99% of clients have no trouble at all saying they suffer from anxiety. Anxiety, stress, are buzzwords in our society. Just a sign of the times we live in. We talk about it…thankfully, with less stigma. Who do you know that’s not stressed or anxious? What you learn from my work is that most people that have symptoms of anxiety also have some symptoms of depression. And vice versa. Generally, one is more prominent and that is the one we deal with primarily. The interesting part is that those 99% of people I mentioned … they have trouble saying they are depressed. There is still a stigma around depression.
This is why I’m focusing on depression as I write today.
Rewind 25 years. I’ve had my third baby, another healthy boy to add to our growing young family. I’m very grateful. I’m very tired. All of a sudden a few months into it, I’m also very depressed. Like I can hardly get out of bed. Like “why?”. Literally everything around me seemed dark, gloomy, depressing shall we say. I looked around, and to anyone else, it would seem that all was good. I had a loving husband, three young kids, I had a great full-time job that I could go back to me after my maternity leave … but to me, everything seemed dark and without purpose. Then, came the questions and the free advice.
Mostly from loving friends and family.
“Why would you feel down?”
“You shouldn’t feel this way”
“Look around at all the good things in your life”
“What is it that’s bothering you?”
“Whatever it is, get over it” (my fave)
“Maybe you just need a vacation?” (spoiler alert- depression travels with you)
and on and on it went.
In my case, it may have been a combination of post-partum and other issues, but I was eventually referred to a wonderful therapist who practiced CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). For me, this worked. It may or may not work for you. It’s an option. And that’s why I’m writing. For all the people we interact with on a daily basis, for all the work that I do where people actually share their emotions, their feelings, we are still a society that does not like to speak about depression. Anxiety? Yes it’s a part of life. Depression? Ssshhhhhhh And so many may suffer in silence. Perhaps in shame.
I’m writing this for that one person reading this, who may be afraid to speak to someone about their depression. For that person who knows that they’ll be bombarded with “why would you feel this way .. you have no reason .. get over it”.
I see you, and I was you. I’m writing to say that there are many many resources out there, that can help you return back to your Self. The depression is not you. It’s one part of you. You can see it, you can name it, you can create some distance between yourselves. It may never leave you, but know this. Many many many people live full and productive lives, yet struggle with moments/times of depression here and there. For some, CBT will work. For others, a different form of therapy might be needed. For others still, certain medications will help. There are many options. Do not give up. You are in there. Behind the veil of depression that may cover you at the moment.
Note that life is full of ups & downs. The entire range of emotions, including fear, guilt, sadness, joy, jealousy, you name it – it’s just a part of being human.
Depression is a different beast. It is not your regular ups and downs of life. When you’re in it, it takes over your being. You feel helpless. You may feel worthless. I understand.
Speaking only about my experience, the CBT helped me to see that the feelings, the fears, the triggers, everything that was bottled up inside of me, so much of it was not my baggage to carry. I had a very loving home, but all of my parents fears and triggers became mine through osmosis. Not because of anything they did wrong, but because every single one of us that has children will unknowingly impart some of these emotions onto our kids, along with all the wonderful values, traditions etc.. Don’t tell me that you’re only passing down the good stuff to your kids; they absorb every emotion that we live through as parents. They absorb how we treat each other as spouses. They absorb how we treat our family and our friends. How we address our work, our issues of security and insecurity. Everything.
Yoga. Yes, yoga.
What I learned during my time with my therapist is so closely related to the Therapeutic Yoga I practice with clients.
I learned that we are *not* our thoughts, we are the witness to our thoughts. Separating your Self from your thoughts is hard work.
I learned that I am *not* anxious. I have symptoms of anxiety. Separating your symptoms from your Self is hard work.
I learned that so many of my fears, are *not* mine. They are old baggage that was handed down to me, old patterns of behaviour that I took in as a child. Separating your fears from the learned fears that were handed down to you is hard work.
If you’re still reading, if you (or someone you know) suffers with depression, I want to give you more than just a few words from a meme, like “you are not alone.” Most of us in that situation may know that already, but it doesn’t make us feel any better. I want you to know that it’s more than OK to talk about it, and that there are many resources out there (paid and free) that you can reach out to. There is hard work involved, yes, but what better reason to work at it, than you? To get your Self back (note the capital “S”). In yoga, the Self is the true essence of who you are. It’s not the mother/father/son/daughter/sister/friend/colleague. It’s not the scared, anxious, happy, or excited you. It’s the stable, solid you, that exists deep inside; no matter what you are *feeling* at the moment. The feelings will come and go, the Self is always there.
As a last note, I’ll add that (in my opinion), women tend to be more introspective, more in tune with their bodies, their feelings, the state of their mind. Our society, which is largely responsible for all the stress, anxiety and depression that we see, also does not encourage men (young or old) to reach out for help. Feelings are seen as weakness. “Real men don’t cry” (which I guess means they have no feelings). It’s a sick society in many ways. The focus on work, on achievement, on money, on things … where is the Self in all of this? Does peace of mind even get considered in the equation that is our lives? The “health care” system which focuses on treating diseases, and yet hardly touches upon prevention and healthy living. Luckily, more and more people understand that true wellness is a combination of a healthy body, a calm mind, and a spirit that is in flow. In tune with your Self. The hard work is in acknowledging these imbalances, speaking them out loud, reaching out, finding the resources that will work for you, and knowing that you deserve a peaceful, joyful life.
It’s hard work. But oh so worth it.